this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
