PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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