every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
