Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
