Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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