Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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