some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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