I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize