your thong is hanging out like whoa
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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