I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
