is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
