his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
