I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So vagazzling was a success
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