I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
