He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
