What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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