my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
