The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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