my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
