id be glad to
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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