plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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