How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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