just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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