Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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