Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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