so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
