In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
