I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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