even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
