like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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