That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm always down for nudity.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
