did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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