I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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