you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
