I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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