the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
