You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
