so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
