I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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