i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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