take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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