she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
