Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
