no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
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