The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
