Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
