I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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