dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
