We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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