it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
