I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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