thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
