All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
