Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
