yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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