in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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