Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize