i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
