Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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