just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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