I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
