i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
