where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
