Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
